Flash game idea

I might be making a horror flash game, and I've started writing a script. Tell me what you guys think of it so far. This is only the intro of it, the real gameplay starts after this. It will include a lot of gore, and hopefully will scare the shit out of you.

*Open’s with protagonist waiting at a subway station looking depressed*
Audio: Station of Depression by ElectricalBypass
Subway car arrives at station, protagonist gets on
Car is quite run down, has very few people on board.
Other passengers get off at each station, but protagonist stays on board.
Protagonist eventually falls asleep.
As the car advances, the wall’s of the tunnel detiorate as the train travels along.
*fades to black, audio fades out*

*fades back in, horror/suspense music fades in*
*first person view*
Shadowy figure: Welcome back. Did you have a good sleep? You are lucky enough to be part of our project, for the benefit of mankind. You will be subjected to a little bit of pain, but how can humanity progress without self-sacrifice?
*view cuts to protagonist strapped to a table, connected to a machine*
Shadowy figure: Administer 2000 volts.
Protagonist is electrocuted.
*fades to black, horror/suspense music fades in*

*fades back in, second horror/suspense music fades in*
Protagonist: Ugh…where the hell am I?
*pan shot reveals protagonist is trapped in a mental asylum cell*
Protagonist: Oh shit…why am I here?
Person in next cell: Because you are their new guinea pig.
*view cuts to eye looking through hole in the wall*
*Player is presented with a list of dialogue options*
Protagonist: Who are you?
Person in next cell: Identity isn’t important here. We are all faceless subjects in this sick little experiment.
Protagonist: Where are we?
Person in next cell: An abandoned mental asylum. This twisted organization is using it to run their little experiments. It’s probably in the middle of fucking nowhere. From the looks of it, it was up and running a long time ago.
*Player is presented with second list of dialogue options after asking ‘Where are we?’
Protagonist: Organization?
Person in next cell: I guess we could call them that. Definitely not a legal one. They kidnap and torture, using horrible and unthinkable methods.
Protagonist: But why did they kidnap me?
Person in next cell: They seem to kidnap people who have suffered emotional distress, or pain, from what I’ve heard from the others. It helps with their experiments if the person is already suffering mental pain, before they apply physical pain.
*Player is presented with third list of dialogue options after asking ‘But why did they kidnap me?’*
Protagonist: Why are they doing this?
Person in next cell: I’m not sure. To find the most effective torture method for some corrupt secret agency? For medicine? For fun? Who knows?
Protagonist: Can we escape?
Person in next cell: Well, if you got out of the cell, you would still have a tough time. There is a lot of insane subjects, as well as the ‘scientists’. I don’t think they would let their little secret being released to the public.
*view cuts to protagonist looking through hole in the wall*
Person in next cell: *screaming* NOO! I CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE!
*person is dragged off*
Protagonist: Oh shit…They took him. I’d better get out of here before they come for me.
*cuts to Protagonist’s view of cell*
If Player chooses to examine diary: Protagonist: There’s a diary here…I guess so the ‘scientists’ can observe the ‘subjects’ inner anguish. But there’s no pen! There’s only a razorblade, how is the person supposed to wri- oh shit.
I’ll take the razor, it might be of use.
If Player chooses to examine hole in the wall: Protagonist: The guy is gone…should I look anyway?
If yes: *view cuts to hole in the wall, blood and the words no escape ‘NO ESCAPE’ is on the wall* !!!…There’s blood all over the walls… “No escape…” was this from the guy I was just talking to, or someone else?
If no: Return to cell.
If Player chooses to examine ‘Odd bit in wall’: Protagonist: Hey, there’s something behind this little panel…
*Player aquires key*
Protagonist: What-…What’s this doing here?!?
In order to progress, Player must use door after they have acquired the key.

It's sounds cool. it sounds like it's been inspired by the Thing Thing series (that is a rad series).

(moved because it doesn't fit into anything at all, since we have a separate forum-thingy (HOW PROFESSIONAL) for this kind of stuff)

My bad.

It's wasn't inspired by Thing Thing, lol.

In Thing Thing, you got created.

In this, you are being tortured.

I'd say this has more of a Silent Hill / Saw theme, as you will see when I write more of the story.

Also, great new avvy.

VGCats ftw.

Ah, ok then

yeah, VG cats is awesome...
This one is wrong, yet hilarious XD
but I'm getting off topic now. lol

K, next part of script. If you see any mistakes, point em out. If you have any suggestions, point them out, but bear in mind this is not the final version of the script.

*Protagonist is now in hallway*
If Player chooses to examine ‘Adjacent cell’: Protagonist: …Hello?
*Insane person jumps up to bars in door and attempts to maul protagonist*
Protagonist: Holy shit! These people are insane!
If Player chooses to examine ‘Metal Door’
Proceed to next room.

*Protagonist is now in a sort of control room*
Shows another ‘subject’ through window, struggling against restraints. A mining drill is positioned above him. Computers are situated in the room, with one of them flashing ‘Execute’.
If Player chooses to press ‘Execute’: Drill starts to lower, ‘subject’ struggles more and starts screaming.
Protagonist: Oh shit! What have I done!?!
Drill goes through torso of ‘subject’ slowly, and vision of ‘subject’ is blocked as blood splashes on the window.
Computer screen starts blinking.
If Player chooses to examine ‘Computer Screen’:
*on screen chat*
???: Hello?
Protagonist: Who is this?
???: My identity is not important. What is important is your survival.
Protagonist: So you’ll help me escape?
???: I cannot help you, you can only help yourself. But I can unbar the way to your freedom.
*at this point, all electronically locked doors are opened*
???: Good luck subject.
??? has logged out.
Protagonist: Hello?
Protagonist: HELLO?
Protagonist: Come back, I still need answers!
*view is back in the control room*
Protagonist: Well, I’d better get out of here, while I still can.
*Player can now click an arrow to exit the room*[b]

Hmm, Creative.

=D